My step-grandmother called me yesterday afternoon. She’d heard I was getting a divorce after nine months of being married to the man I shared a life with for six years.
“I called you to see how you were doing, and I wanted to see if there was anything I could do. I thought you would be devastated, but you sound relieved.”
I won’t go into details over why I made the decision to leave my husband, except to say that it was something I knew I had to do to move my life forward in a positive direction. I know, and the people closest to me know, and that’s really all that matters. I will say that human relationships are weird and complicated (but mostly good) and also full of grey areas. My marriage is/was no exception to that rule, and it had unfortunately gone in a direction that wasn’t healthy for me.
What I’m more interested in, at least right now, is that life keeps telling me I made the right decision over and over again, and I feel more at peace with myself than I have in a while.
Because I’m a recovering people-pleaser by nature, the first thought that came to my mind wasn’t “how is this going to affect me?” but “How will others react to the news? From their perspective, it came out of nowhere. Will it color their perception of marriage or relationships?”
and the more self-conscious part of me asks:
“Will it color their perception of me?”
Probably not, and so what if it does? Life goes on, and so will I.
That thing I mentioned about life telling me I made the right decision? It’s been all the consolation I needed these past few weeks. I’ve spent time with friends and family doing things I love every single day and night, I’m reading new books and rereading all my favorites, and I’m drawing and painting as much as I can.
Amidst all of this, a series of events happened that led to me making the decision to move to a new city in a new state. I’m leaving between mid-June and mid-July, if everything goes according to plan, and I couldn’t be more excited about life in general.
YES yes YES yes YES yes yes
Going in a new direction with my life is daunting, but I refuse to let fear of failure keep me from pursuing things I’m passionate about just because uncertainty makes me uncomfortable. I’ll get over the stress of a sudden upheaval, I’ll rebuild, I’ll love again, etc.
If you want to reach out to me privately, feel free to do so! I know this seems sudden and confusing, and I get it. I’ll be fine, I still like Greg as a human being even if we’re not going to be married anymore, and good things are on the horizon.